The Asshole Client

It doesn’t matter who you work for, you have one.  The asshole client.  The one who thinks the world revolves around him/her.  The one that “everything is an emergency”.  The one you want to throttle almost as much (OK, let’s face it, MORE so) than the loud nosy bitch.

What is it with these people?  Even though they’ve got you doing five different applications for them - all of which are far more complicated than they need to be because whoever did your job before you didn’t see fit to tell the customer that despite their limited knowledge of SQL Server, they don’t know what the fuck they are talking about and trust me, you want a developer or DBA to design your database (not YOU) – they want you to drop what you’re doing and do something else.

Then when something gets “lost” or put on the back burner because it’s unimportant “today”, they get pissed off and call your supervisor ranting about how bad the customer service is.  Really?  Try being your own customer, you insolent fuck.

Personally there is no greater pleasure than telling them that they will have to wait.  “Last week you told me we had a June 30 drop dead date on program XYZ, and now you want me to stop working on that and work on PDQ?  Sorry, I can’t do that; XYZ is statutorily mandated and it absolutely has to be done.  Your PDQ will have to wait.”  I don’t even send them to my supervisor (who is mostly useless, but that’s a whole different blog post).

I know there are people like this in the world everywhere.  Arrogant assholes who think the world revolves around them.  When you have to deal with them, laugh and think, WWJD (What would Jack [Bauer] Do?).

Yes, in honor of the “24″ season series finale, it’s Jack week here in my cube.  Don’t like it?  Fuck you.