You Know that Loud, Nosy Bitch?

I’m sure every office has one – at least every office with more than five people.  That really loud-talking, obnoxious-laugh, nosy person who comes around asking everyone about their weekend, preaching about how to be more “green” and just generally being annoying.

Why, oh WHY does the bitch in our office who does that have to come bother the same person, who sits near me, every.  Fucking.  DAY???

Day in and day out it’s “You should do this” (talking about how to be more green).  “I feed my dog frozen vegetables!”  “You should bring reusable plates and utensils to work to use.”  And then, there’s the laugh.  That cackle that not only makes your skin crawl, but makes you truly want to beat the living shit out of the bitch.  God!  Shut the fuck up already!

Does your office have a person like this?  Yeah, I thought so.  Next time you overhear them (and let’s face it, that’s pretty easy to do), just imagine yourself walking over, and giving them the Jack Bauer treatment: imagine they’ve swallowed a SIM chip and you need to get it out of them. 

While that would certainly shut them up permanently (and if you’re sane you won’t do it), perhaps you can just giggle next time you have to listen to the incessant, annoying bullshit that is frothing forth from their mouth.